Mike brought his laptop to a meeting and seemed to be taking notes while we were discussing ideas. I figured I’d eavesdrop and glanced over to see what he was writing. It was a list of “50 Ways to Fire Evan.” This is what he had by the end of the meeting:
50 Ways to Fire Evan
- Have Ben do it
- Via Slack
- Elaborate prank where we pretend he ran over a dog but really, we’ve fired him
- He seems to like Harry Potter – have Harry Potter do it.
- Anyone Canadian should do it
- Inform everyone with facial hair to shave (except Evan). Then fire everyone that has facial hair
- Email a picture of Evan with an emoji arrow and an emoji gun. (you’re fired)
- No one wears sweaters. Evan does. Next time he wears one to the office tell him that and fire him
- Evan talks a lot. Next time he starts talking just cut him off and say, “for the love of god, stop talking. You’re fired.”
- The group lunch heads out to Subway. He goes to Jimmy Johns, Have the manager at Jimmy John’s fire him.
- Force him to straighten his hair. First time he shows up to work without straight hair, he’s fired.
- Next time he can’t recall an Apple II game from his youth that he’s advocating in a brainstorm – He’s fired.
- Rename the company, change the locks, next time he shows up deny that Jackbox Games ever existed
- Create an animated gif of a baby otter with a sign that says You’re Fired. Send that gif to Evan via slack.
- Evan’s looking at a new home. When the mortgage company calls to verify his employment – deny that he works at Jackbox Games.
- Post a “you’re fired” message on his very active Myspace page.